This will be my first long post, basically describing my life and stuff over the past few weeks… I should prob make it friends only, but I don’t care. If you really want to read it, go ahead.

Ok… I guess I should start from the beginning. March 5th, I left for boot camp. I had no real discipline since I didn’t really need any. I live on my own, had a relatively lax job, and spent most my time with my friends. I didn’t have much money anymore since I left my good job at infotrax, but I had my friends so I didn’t care. At the time my friends meant more to me than anything, and they still do… just in a different way…

Lets see… boot camp begun and my life changed radically. I now had to wake up at a certain time and I had no time to think for myself. No computer either! No friends… just me and my own determination. I guess it wasn’t that bad of a thing… I was almost dying inside at the first, but I became stronger as I forged on. I learned alot of stuff that would be useless outside the military (marching, etc.), but I learned some good things as well. I can now jump out of bed, make it, get dressed, shave, and be ready to go in like twenty seconds flat (slightly exaggerated). The marching doesn’t do me any good since my new base is on a permanent marching waiver… (It’s on a big hill that goes down to the beach in both directions… they don’t like us marching on hills since it tends to hurt people…) but the rest still helps. I’m also learning new things about how to deal with life on my own and without my friends to be there if I need someone. I’m not sure if thats a good thing, but it did happen, so I list it.

Lately, I’ve been kinda down, just because I am lonely, but I’m getting better. Today I went to karaoke with my friends, and I was as hyper as I used to be. I had lots of fun, even if I kept thinking of Aubree the whole time. And thats another point…

Aubree… Marriage… My life has definitely changed since then. I knew I wanted to marry her before I even left for basic training… I just wasn’t sure if I was the only one for her. There was someone else I knew she loved and he loved her. I waited about half way through and she said she was waiting for me, so I knew we were meant to be. After that, something happened that almost tore us apart, but strangely, (if not expected,) we endured yet another trouble. During basic, we didn’t really have much time to do anything, much less look at girls, so I didn’t really have trouble with them there. Here at Tech School however, we are perfectly allowed to have girlfriends and even date other students. I could date some of the girls I hang out with on a daily basis here if I wanted, but it never even occurs to me when I’m with them. I admit, I still look at some of the better looking girls when they walk by, but its as if looking at a painting. “Ahh, thats pretty.” But I never think of wanting to be with them… Aubree’s all I need. She’s all I want. I admit that I still worry that I’ll lose her. I don’t think I’ll get rid of that until she is in my arms and we’re together forever. It’s just some of the leftover feelings from losing everything I tried for in the past. This time, however, I trust her and I know we’ll be together so I don’t worry too much. I know we’ll still be together 50 years down the road, and still happily married. We’re just that made for each other.

So now, here I sit… Typing on my roommates computer because I’m not allowed to have my own yet (and Aubree has it anyways.. heh) and getting ready to go to sleep. I have nothing else to do but wait and dream of tomorrow. Dream of Aubree. My friends are all watching Spider-man right now, and I’m here being alone. I miss Nick and our times hanging out, but I guess I had to move on in life. I had to do something to follow my dreams of grandeur. I just hope him, Aubree, and whoever else is with them are having fun. I hope they have enough fun for me too, because for a while anyways, I have work to do and nobody to really spend my free time with. Nobody close enough to really talk to anyways.

Well.. I’m going to sleep. I hope I can talk to Aubree tomarrow…

I hope you all have a good night too.
And I’ll always be cheering you on… it’s just who I am. 🙂
Stay true and all that stuff
Matt

---

Filed under: Uncategorized - @ May 3, 2002 11:01 pm