Ok… I guess I shouldn’t have doubted Nick. He is my best friend after all. They did go see a movie without me, but only because Dannon told her that I wasn’t coming. But after the movie they came to my house. I wasn’t there though… but my mom called me and, anyways, they met us at the restaurant. I offered to buy them something and they all got water.. and then bought something on their own. I didn’t feel too bad. Nick paid for his with a $20 and was given his change AND his twenty back. So he was paid roughly eight dollars to eat there. (He gave four for a tip, so four dollars.) I felt kinda bad knowing her money would be short, but I guess it doesn’t matter.
Anyways, afterwards, we went up the canyons and just drove around. It was interesting hanging out with Tina. Tonight, right at midnight, she saw her first shooting star ever. That really amazed me. I guess it was along the lines of hearing a baby say it’s first words. I saw my first shooting star when I was a kid. Back when I wished for the whole “divorce” thing to disappear. My wish didn’t come true, but I never forgot the magic of seeing light shoot through the sky. Even today, I’m still in awe of the beauty of it.

Tina’s a fun girl. I planned the whole thing to get to know her mainly, but I tried to get her and Nick together too. Nick’s the kind of person who doesn’t really.. well.. he won’t go for something (or someone) he wants. So I tried to put them together. (I don’t want to date anybody before I leave… I’m having enough trouble leaving one girl already…) Anyways, just a second ago Nick told me he wasn’t going after her anymore. I asked why and he said he got strange vibes from her. *puzzle* And afterwards… he sounded mad. I told him we were going swimming tomorrow and asked if he wanted to come… he said “GRRRRR!” I was like, “Grrr?” He said “nothing.. nite” and never answered me. I don’t have a clue what that was about. Tina did end up holding me for most of the ride to her house, but that was after we dropped him off. I’m just afraid he is mad because she likes me. *sigh* I hope not. Especially when I’m not going after her. Heh.

But now here I am. Just sitting.. And wondering whats going to happen. This morning I stayed in bed until 4pm, just because I kept thinking to myself, “Whats the reason for waking up.” I hate depression and I really don’t know what else to do. I didn’t go to sleep until six AM, but again, it was just because I didn’t see the point. I really need to get something in my head that I feel is worth waking up for again. It used to be Aubree.. but that’s gone… I still love her, but she’s still more or less gone. I’m thinking of making it for shooting stars. Today I witnessed someone watching their first, and it made me realize that there is still a lot out there that I haven’t seen or done. Who knows, maybe there is someone out there who will just amaze me. And if I stay in bed, I might miss out on that. Miss out on my first “shooting star.” Tina said she made a wish on it, but she wouldn’t say what because she wanted it to come true. I decided to make a wish on that star as well. And I’ll tell you because I’m going to work to make this one come true. I’m going to go out in the world. I’m going to fight to do what I feel is right. I’m going to look at each day as a new chance to experience the unknown. And I’m going to try, each day I have, to make myself the best I can be.
The future holds unimaginable chances for me. In the air force I’m going to go to school for Astro Physics, and Computer Science. I want to help design programs that further space travel and exploration. I’m going to work hard to become someone I can be proud of. Someone others look up to. And someone who can truly help the world. They’re big dreams, but I’ve always been a big dreamer. And these are dreams I know I can make come true.
I need to go running and get some sleep now. Even staying up so late, I need to get some sleep so I can go swimming tomorrow morning. As a last item, I’m going to leave you with a poem. It’s not mine, but it’s pretty none the less. And I think it speaks a little of my heart anyways. Enjoy.
I love you all.
Matt

~*~ Boundaries ~*~

A place between reality and fantasy
Where love has no boundaries.
A sanctuary where pain is banished,
And fear is vanquished.
Somewhere between awake and asleep,
A paradise hidden deep,
This is where I will always love you.
Where I strive to keep your memory anew.
A simple temple set aside,
For the heart to take refuge and hide.
A safe-haven for the broken hearted,
Whose love has long since departed into the depths of nothingness.
That is where I wait for your hand,
Here in this hidden land.
Somewhere between the darkness and the light,
Where loneliness takes departure in flight.
A place where all you see
Is Faith and Prosperity running wild and free.
And here, In silence,and speech,I wait for you!

written by Prince Symethra

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Filed under: Uncategorized - @ November 9, 2001 2:23 am