I have never denied that Aubree was the best thing that ever happened to me. But before I loved her, I was just her friend. More of a brother it seemed at times. And it seems like that’s all I am once more. And, more than likely, ever again. I think she feels like that too. A lot can happen in four years, and I’ll most likely go for six. And I know she would be with Tyrel if she could. I saw it in her eyes, and now she’s told me with her voice. I guess I don’t have anything to complain about, since I am the one who first told her to go for it if she liked him. He was one of my best friends after all. And now I’m apart from her. Friends, evermore. Tyrel has a girlfriend, but Aubree is so much better, and he realizes that, he’s just with someone right now. Soon he’ll realize and they’ll be together again. Soon I won’t even be an option for a boyfriend. *chuckle* I’ve always felt like this day was coming. Aubree called it me being a pessimist, I thought I was just being realalistic.
Anyways, in the end, I’ll always be loved as a brother by her. And I’ll always love her. But I’m not going to wait. I’m going to go out with other girls and see if there is possibly another true match for me. I can’t really see how that’s possible, but if she loves Tyrel as much as I think she does, there is no way we were the ones meant to be together. But at least she’ll be happy. I don’t think he’ll be able to afford her “dreams of grandeur,” but at least she’ll realize that those don’t matter when compared to love.

Anyways…. so now I finally start a new path. I feel better actually. This way I can know she loves me, and not care if she wants to always be with me. I feel relieved sort of. I wish I could explain it. I’m still sad, but I’m strong. I’ll get through this. I think she will too. And who knows, if by the grace of god I find true love once more, maybe I’ll be truly happy too.

Anyways, I guess I go back to my hyper old self who doesn’t have any cares in the world. (Which is good I guess for a job they tell me not to take if “I have family back home.”) Oh well. At least I have friends back home. 🙂

Well, I guess I’m going to sleep. Need to get up early to get a job. (I’m looking for two of them. I want to pay off my bills, get enough for Christmas, and visit japan before I leave. Good luck to me!)

Later all!
Matt

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Filed under: Uncategorized - @ November 26, 2001 10:36 pm