I asked a friend a couple days ago for a good subject to do a rant on… her response was, “Online Love.” I kinda turned her down at the time because I really didn’t know for myself. And I still really don’t understand it… I’ve been told by a couple people that I’m an exhibitionist. *laugh* They tell me that I show myself on the outside with my digicam (Sorry ladies, I only go down to my boxers 😉 and that I let people see my insides through these words. The reason is because it really does calm me down… reminds me that I’m mortal.. human.. etc. Another reason is, it makes me think. These words help me figure out problems… they let you guys see what I’m thinking, and if I can’t figure it out myself, normally someone gives me a little bit of insight. And right now, perhaps I can use some.

I’m no stranger to love. I’ve been in love before, and I feel love right now. I’m sure I’ll find it in the future as well. If you want a description, I couldn’t give you one. You can’t describe an emotion, and if you tried, you’d just fail while trying to use others. When I’m in love I feel happy, and exhilarated, and … and.. everything at once! My heart burns, and my chest feels like it’s on fire! But it’s so much more than that… it’s love. Unless you have also felt this, you couldn’t possibly know what I mean.

And then you add the word ‘online’ to the beginning of that. Online Love, in my opinion is nothing more than love, just with quite a few more challenges. And due to these complications, few work out. There is a old saying that goes, love conquers all challenges. Love free’s all bounds, huh? I don’t believe that. Love does nothing except show you the truth into someone. It is the gateway that lets your eyes see the truth into a persons soul, and it allows you to see the beauty in someone that few see. Even if your seeing it through a keyboard and monitor. Even if you’ve never really met the person.

The problem with love is, it’s doesn’t care if your ready for it. It doesn’t care who it chooses. And when it does, a lot of the time it can cause more torment and trouble than good. Love, by itself is nothing but misery. In order to get to the happy/feel good love, you need to take it a step further and become True love. A favorite saying of mine has been, True love takes two. Alone, it’s trouble. Makes you care for someone who doesn’t return it. Makes you wish for someone you might never have. True love on the other hand is what the legends are made of. Love where you love them and they love you back so purely nothing could break it.

So, if it’s not the love that’s breaking all bounds and conquers all challenges, what is it? It’s you… and it’s me. It’s the people who burn with this love. It’s the knowing that they burn for you as much as you burn for them. Movies are created, and heroes are fashioned around this. People have within them the power to break worlds, and the power to build them. Destroy the life where your alone, and hurt, and build a new one where your strong, and working to become the best. Love is nothing more than the gateway, it’s up to you to enter it.

The reason most online relationships don’t work is the lack of will to enter. The lack of courage of what will be on the other side. And the lack of strength to face it. If you love someone, let them know. If the love is true, then what are you waiting for? The gate is open before you, and while it might be hard, it’s up to you to take the first step. And if the love isn’t true, don’t let it bring you down to the point of depression. Love is nothing when compared to true love. And someday you’ll find that out. And my heart wishes, with all it’s might that you find that soon.

——

I write these mainly for others, as I said earlier. The give others a glimpse into my soul in hopes that they can understand me better and hopefully understand their own soul a little better. But I also write these for myself. I was told earlier that, although my love is currently taken, I am effectively single because of her. It’s not possible to give my heart to another if it already belongs to one… right? Perhaps… but I could never ask for anything more. I’m patient… and if someone else does come along, I’ll won’t ignore her because I love another.

Hailey, I do love you. Perhaps I’m walking down a trail that I should not tread, but there are some things you’re required to do. One step after another, through the gateway. And Robbie, if you ever read this… Perhaps you hate me.. perhaps… but just know that your the one who’s holding her heart and keeping it safe. I’ll try my best to keep the assassins away, but it’s your job to hold and nurture. Don’t forget that. Nor should any other man who bears a ladies heart. And I shall not get in the way. It’s not who I am.
— But if you ever hurt her, I will never forgive you. Take that as a promise, or a threat. And if you do read this, it’s your choice to look upon me as a friend or an enemy. A friend I wish to be, but either can be chosen.

And to Grapes, Midnight and all my other friends whom I’ve spoken to on this matter… don’t worry. Follow your hearts, and you won’t be wrong. Choose the person who you love and let them know. You make your own world, make it a happy one.

And while I hate to make this so much longer, I’m going to end with the words of one of my favorite poets… Emily Dickinson…

We never know how high we are
Until we are called to rise
And then if we are true to plan
Our statures touch the skies!

The heroism we recite
Would be a daily thing
If not ourselves the cubits warp
For fear to be a king.

— Matt…

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Filed under: Uncategorized - @ June 11, 2001 5:51 am